Enough Already………….

 

I mean really……..

 

Just to "vent" on a few things……for myself more than anything else. And I guess I’m not really "venting" in the usual way…..you know, bitch and curse/rant and rave……I guess I just have to write this stuff down because it’s really somewhat unbelievable!

 

Mom had her RFA (radio frequency ablation) done on her tumor July 14th. It went really well other than the fact that she has no tolerance for pain and she made sure the doctor knew that. She isn’t put "under", just made comfortable/loopy and then the area that they go into with the probe (it’s like having a biopsy) gets numbed. In her Doctors words later that day "it was the first time I lost a wrestling match with a 79 year old woman"……yep, she was flinging her arm around to get that damn probe out of her!!

 

Needless to say, this caused her more pain afterward, but what do you expect? She also had some fluid around the  "now dead" tumor and her blood oxygen level was low. So she stayed in the hospital a few days longer but her PET scan showed that the cancer cells were dead….gone…..adios!! Yippee!

 

So……just as she’s getting to feel better, even having to lug around a small oxygen tank when she’s active, what happens?

 

Take a guess……..

 

I get a call at 7am this last Thursday morning from the Police, she had fallen during the night and the Paramedics are taking her to the hospital!

 

She broke her hip…………

 

I swear……..what else is going to happen to this poor woman?? I really thought with everything else and then the Cancer that would/could be it?? HA!!!!!

 

I hate that this happened to her but it’s done. Now it’s the long road to recovery…….and I really hope and pray that she can get thru this. I know of many people her age that just couldn’t do it. And then add all her other stuff……Jeez!

 

Well you know what I’ll be doing for a while…….again……hmmmmmm. I won’t complain, not much anyway, and I just hope and pray that she gets thru this. She has to……….

 

I cut some flowers from my garden this morning and will be going to see her later. I spent the first 2 days there, 12 hour days, and had to do make-up work on Saturday. That was almost like having "time off". It’s so stressful in those situations…..it drains me. Mostly because they had to send the ambulance to a different hospital because the one she always goes to, has all her "history" on file, was closed to emergency cases at that time. I guess that happens. And I look at it this way……everything happens for a reason……..what it is I’m not sure, other than the fact that where she is at will move her to her Favorite rehab facility just next door……..so that’s a good thing.

 

Anyway, that’s it for me…..I really wish I could spend more time blogging and reading blogs, I miss it.

My summer is almost gone, August already, and I haven’t done much of anything. I do plan on taking some time, come Hell or High Water, for myself this Fall I think. I banked my Stimulus check just for that!

 

Healthy and Happy wishes to all of you,

Colleen   

More time please…….

 

Do you ever say that? Lately it has been my Mantra! LOL

 

I haven’t written much lately or visited any blogs. My life has been full, more than I want and more than I need. I remember thinking when I lived back in Arizona of how bored I would get. Always so much time with nothing to do. Well, I’ve made up for that and then some since moving here!

 

Things have been hectic, shall we say?, since the beginning of March. I won’t go into the "Big" event that took place then. Just know that it has to do with my family, but I need to respect their privacy so I can not go into that here at my Blog.

 

That being said, I was pretty much on my own when it came to my Mom. That’s okay…….I took on the extra duties with a zeal I didn’t even know I had. But soon other things started going wrong, all having to do with money. Now that those things are in my past I won’t bother to list them individually so I can Bitch about them individually. Just know that one came right after another to the point I didn’t want to get out of bed for fear of what the day would bring! 

 

And what seemed to put everything in perspective was the news we got about my Mom in May…….along with all the other things wrong with her, she now has Lung Cancer. Yep……….so now you know why not much else matters as far as my trivial little $$ problems…..(not really little $$ but I won’t go there)!

 

Her cancer is in a very early stage and it is in one place. But because her heart is so messed up she is a risk for surgery. So, after talking to a doctor for Radiation Treatments and one for Radiofrequency Ablation, we are going with the RFA, the radio one. It’s very non-invasive and a "one-treatment-see-results-next-day" type of thing. It’s pretty much like having a biopsy done……look it up online if you want more info., I’m not going to bore you with the details.

 

Sooooooo, we will probably get Mom started with this the second week in July. She’s going to also be part of a Study, which I think is great, and "Kudos" to her.

 

So yeah……more time please……..in every aspect of my life I need that. But what’s more is that "I want" more time with my Mom. For as much as she drives me crazy, I have thought about her NOT being here and I just have the biggest problem picturing that. I mean how do you do that? My life pretty much revolves around her life lately……I’ve become very dependant on her I think. Does that even make sense? She’s dependant on me, I know that, but when I think about her not being here I wonder what I’ll do then……….I have no one else that depends on me.

 

My Mom is 79 years old and has soooo many things wrong with her I would hate to be her. But she keeps on going…….never changing her lifestyle mind you……..but keeps on going. Now she has the BIG "C". Will she make any changes? Probably not. But I’ll try to deal with that and not nag her about it……at this point I don’t think it would make a difference. I just want her outlook to change. Be more "positive" and look more to just having fun and making the most of everyday. It’s a pity most of us do that when we know our days are numbered and not before.

 

So I’ll write when I can…….most will say it may help…..I know it would……it’s just finding the time to do it! The weather is beautiful, summer is here, festivals have begun, and my yard calls me all the time! LOL So even if I have the time I can’t always bring myself to be in the house on the computer. I would love to have a lap top and then I could be out on my deck writing. But alas, the $$ thing again! ;-(

 

Okay I’ve got to go outside…. 

 

Colleen 

Deja Vu……

 

This happened  already,Thanksgiving Eve , 2 years ago now, I think. it was…..

 

You know I really had super good intentions of writing a blog letting all my friends, blog and others, know what’s been happening with me lately.

Some I can tell, events that is, and some I can only "sort-of" tell since they only effect me because I’m family.

 

Anyway…..good intentions….blown apart by the storm that rolled thru here earlier! CRAP!!!

 

Now my question is "do I get rid of the tree or the deck"?? LOL Can my tree have something against my deck?

 

It’s like I don’t have enough to do! But I am very thankful that it didn’t cause any more damage than a few plants and the tree itself…..as far as I can see!

I will know more when I can start cutting away at the thing which will be as soon as the rain stops and the warnings are done…..which is another reason for not writing, I really shouldn’t even be on my computer!

Adios,

Colleen

It’s green out there….

 

It’s here……it’s finally here!!

 

Spring that is. Officially it’s been here for several weeks…..but it hasn’t felt like it at all. But as I’m sitting here, thinking of what to write, I can look out my front window and see GREEN!! Not the branches of a bare tree or my neighbors house across the street. Not the street light that would shine thru the branches when it gets dark. None of those things……just the beautiful color green! Blocking out any and all intrusion of anything other than Nature itself. I love it!

 

If you have read me before you know that I love to spend time in my yard/gardens. This year is no exception, not at all. Even more so I think since the winter was so blasted miserable…..never ending! I’ve been doing things as the weather permits, it’s still not nice every day, but a few in a row now and then. Things are popping up all over the place! My Yellow Tulips are blooming this year. They didn’t last Spring due to a "freak" frost and freezing days before they were able to pop up. So this year I’ve been waiting. And today I was surprised by how many came back.

 

I truly believe that Spring is a time to start fresh and new with everything in your life. Really each day is that way if you want it to be. It’s time to forgive if you need to, begin what you want to, and keep up with what’s been good for you.

 

Anyhoo, I’m going to start…….:-)

 

Colleen 

In the right place……

 

At the right time!

 

It doesn’t always happen that way but it did for me the other day. I went to visit a friend and when I was walking to her back door I noticed her car in the driveway with a flat tire. I went into the house, she’s that sort of person, just come on in, and called for her. I asked her if she knew she had a flat…..she didn’t. Said she had already been out and I figure that she more than likely drove with a flat tire! LOL She even admits to probably not even noticing it.

 

Anyway, I told her to call AAA…..she couldn’t find her card so I went out to get my card from my truck. I keep all those cards, you know all the cards you get from every damn place on the planet? The grocery store, video store, library, my license. I keep them all in one place, a small change purse that I keep in my truck. Well, she called the number and they would be there in about an hour. I chatted for a while and went on my way. Promptly leaving my cards at her house.

 

I didn’t even know, remember my license was in there, until I came home and got the phone message from her. I didn’t want to go back out, it started snowing AGAIN and got cold. It was on Thursday and all I wanted to do was stay home. I did finally go over Friday evening, she expected me much sooner, and she happened to have a friend over. I knew when I walked in they were having a serious talk and figured I would get what I needed and give them their privacy.

 

But when we made the introductions, which I had met this woman before briefly, my friend said that I was the person to talk to. I wasn’t sure what that was all about until the other woman looked at me and I could tell she had been crying. I instantly knew it had to be something to do with drinking. I didn’t know if it was her but found out that it was her son. He’s 27 and in a very bad place with his drinking. Being a recovered alcoholic I sat and knew I could help, if even just to let her know that things could be better.

 

Now if you have read my story you know that I have been thru this and came out the other side. As you also know I can talk and babble forever, which is exactly what I did.LOL But in this case it was really needed! I felt really good that for once I could give someone who thought there was no hope, some hope. We cried and hugged, laughed and hugged some more. I know she still has her worries and doubts and that’s normal. But I also think she knows that this can change……..I think I gave her that HOPE and that makes me feel good.

 

So, if I hadn’t come by in the first place I wouldn’t have noticed the flat tire, left my purse and had to come back the next day in time to help a friend. Like I say, everything happens for a reason! Isn’t it just the coolest thing?? Coincidence??? I think not.

 

It just proves to me that you never know what each day will bring. The series of events that happen could change your or someone else’s life. You just never know the effect you may have on someone with the words that you speak.

 

It was a good couple of days……and I hope for many more for me and you!

 

Colleen

 

One more thing…..I have been sitting here this morning listening to music while on my computer. I have several CD’s of artist’s that were brought to my, and probably your attention by our friend Yellow…..great music and reminds of him. Even tho I was mad at the way he left, I do miss him and his blog. Just thought I would throw that in here….you know…..just in case he’s still checking in with his old blog friends!

 

I just looked at my Blog…..what the HELL happened to my picture and Butterfly??? Friggin FileDen!!!!!! 

Okay….all better now…..I have no idea what happened to FileDen, all my pictures there are gone, I guess it’s my fault for not being around that much lately. Now I have to go thru my blogs to see where pics are missing……but not today, I’m done sitting here! LOL Adios!!!!!